What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is about one person getting and keeping power and control over another person in an intimate relationship. It is a pattern of behavior in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation and emotional, sexual, economic, or other forms of abuse to control and change the behavior of the other partner. The abusive person might be your current or former spouse, live-in lover, dating partner, or some other person with whom you have a relationship. To better understand the ways that an abuser can use power and control over a victim, you can check out what is called the “Power and Control Wheel.”
Domestic violence happens to people of all ages, races, ethnicities, socio-economic statuses, and religions. It occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships. A person’s gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation does not determine whether s/he can be a victim of domestic violence or an abuser. Economic or professional status does not affect whether someone can commit domestic violence or be the victim of domestic violence – abusers and victims can be laborers or college professors, judges or janitors, doctors or orderlies, teachers, truck drivers, homemakers or store clerks. Domestic violence occurs in the poorest neighborhoods, the fanciest mansions and white-picket-fence neighborhoods.
Grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, hair pulling, biting, etc.; denying medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use.
Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent, e.g., marital rape; forcing sex after physical beating; attacks on sexual parts of the body or treating another in a sexually demeaning manner; forcing the victim to perform sexual acts on another person, on the Internet or forcing the victim to pose for sexually explicit photographs against his/her will.
Making or attempting to make a person financially dependent, e.g., maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding access to money, forbidding attendance at school or employment. For more information see the financial abuse page
Emotional Abuse ?
Undermining a person’s sense of self-worth, e.g., constant criticism, belittling one’s abilities, name calling, damaging a partner’s relationship with the children. See WomensLaw.org’s Emotional Abuse page for more information. An abuser may also use his/her or your HIV-positive status or sexual orientation as a means to control you. For example, an abuser may threaten to reveal your HIV status or your sexual identity. For more information, go to the Abuse Among those Living with HIV page and the LGBTQ Victims page.
Causing fear by intimidation, threatening physical harm to himself/herself, you, your family member, or your children; destruction of pets and property; stalking you or cyberstalking you, playing “mind games” to make you doubt your sanity (gaslighting); forcing isolation from friends, family, school and/or work.
Sexual Coercion and Reproductive Control?
When a partner sabotages your birth control efforts by demanding unprotected sex, lying about “pulling out,” hiding or destroying birth control (i.e., flushing pills down the toilet or poking a hole in a condom), preventing you from getting an abortion or forcing you to get an abortion.
Cultural and Identity Abuse?
Threatening to “out” your sexual orientation or gender identity, your participation in S & M or polyamory, your HIV status, your immigration status, or any other personal information to family, friends, co-workers, landlords, law enforcement, etc. Using your race, class, age, immigration status, religion, size, physical ability, language, and/or ethnicity against you in some way.
The Am I Being Abused? checklist has more specific examples of what kinds of behavior can be considered abuse.
Information provided by National Domestic Violence Center
Pine Ridge Behavioral Health Department
Oglala Sioux Tribe Victims Of Crime Program
Statewide Training Resources on Sexual Assault
Ethleen Iron Cloud-Two Dogs, MS
Training in area of cultural response to trauma
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